


Thin Red Line

by ProspertheXVIII



Series: Tumblr Drabbles [10]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Prompt Challenge, tw: death of a parent, tw: miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 22:50:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13668954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProspertheXVIII/pseuds/ProspertheXVIII
Summary: Dela makes a discovery. Jinkx is, for the most part, asleep.Tumblr prompt challenge 10/?: ”What’s the matter, sweetie?”





	Thin Red Line

**Author's Note:**

> Part of this drabble challenge: http://rosetlntstheworld.tumblr.com/post/170157290911/drabble-challenge
> 
> Message me a number and pairing and I'll get writing :D

Dela could feel her stomach churning, half with nausea as she tried to hold down what remained of her breakfast, and half with revulsion as she grew more and more certain that she’d pissed on her hand a little. Gross. This had to be the longest fucking two minutes of her life. Legs awkwardly splayed apart at the knees, pyjama pants on the floor and panties around her ankles, she breathed a sigh through her nose, feeling herself retch again. Jesus - she’d be surprised if she hadn’t lost all her back teeth to stomach acid by the end of the week if this kept up. She’d been awake for all of four hours, having spent about three and a half of those hunched over the toilet - the other half forcing back some toast and a cup of tea only to regret it immediately. The ball had dropped at around hour four that maybe this was…something.  She’d left Jinkx in bed - unwilling to get her hopes up just in case this was some sudden-onset vomiting bug rather than what they were both hoping for. 

She twirled a lock of her messy black hair around her finger, sighing again as she sat locked in a tenuous staring contest with that thin red line and hoping that its twin would materialise sometime soon. First and foremost because she wanted to go and wash her hands - she could just put it down, of course, but she was hellbent on keeping ahold of it until something happened. Whether or not that meant sitting there all day she didn’t know. It was almost as though if she stared at it hard enough then she’d get what she wanted. But more so because she wanted to tell Jinkx - to see the look on her face when she told her.   
  
But what if it wasn’t? The first two rounds of IVF hadn’t taken, and whilst it wasn’t like this was a last-ditch attempt it didn’t give her much hope. They weren’t running out of money, they weren’t struggling - it wasn’t their last chance. But she was getting sick of disappointment after disappointment. And she knew Jinkx was too. So she hoped it was true. That said, the first time it had been - and clearly that wasn’t to be either.   
  
Thank god they hadn’t told anybody. Thank god they hadn’t thought of a name, or started decorating the nursery, or anything like that. The bleeding had started two days before Jinkx was due to go for her first scan. She’d spent at least a whole day in bed after she’d found out for definite that she’d lost it - this was only to be expected, Dela thought; if she’d been skipping around singing ‘Don’t Worry Be Happy’ she’d have felt more inclined to start locking up all the sharp objects in the house. But eventually they’d decided to keep going - try again, only with Dela this time. Attempts one and two had been flat-out failures; this was number three. And she wasn’t a woman of god by any stretch, but Dela was praying that this time would be different.   
  
She utterly _adored_ kids. By all accounts, she’d spent her entire childhood pushing plastic babies around in her miniature stroller; and her adolescence doting over new cousins or the kids she babysat. Children had been omnipresent in her life, and she’d always wanted them. As if it couldn’t get any worse, she’d gotten unfathomably broody practically the minute she hit thirty; what had once been a desire had turned almost overnight into a deep, aching need. Fucking hormones. And yet…there was something about being a mother that disquieted her somewhat.   
  
Obviously she knew what it was. But then acknowledging it would be making it real, and she wasn’t willing to do that just yet. Deep down, she was full aware that she’d she’d Jinkx wanted carry their first child because she’d have her own mother there to hold her hand in the delivery room. And she was full aware that whenever she had to listen Joslyn talk about how she didn’t know how she’d survive without the advice of the woman who’d raised her on how to deal with temper tantrums and diaper rash, or Bianca bitching about too many weekends at Grandma’s spoiling her kids, she felt a pang of jealousy twist in her stomach.   
  
Guilt was a part of it too - almost feeling ashamed to continue living her life when her own mom wasn’t there to watch her do it. It hurt - twenty years now, and it still hurt. It felt weird - knowing she’d been without her for almost twice as long as she’d known her. She thought about it a lot - whether or not she’d be happy with how her life turned out. Whether or not she’d approve of Jinkx - obviously both were a yes. Hell, her mom didn’t even know what she looked like now, and she never would. She missed her like all hell, every day. Dela bit her lip, her free - non-pissy - hand wiping the bite of tears out of her eyes.   
  
She’d spent a good third of she and Jinkx’s wedding day crying - her bride taking care of her with the patience of a saint, cleaning up her running mascara and holding her until it seemed more okay. That in itself had felt sacrilegious - wrong. Her mom should have been there. And now, if it was true - this was only going to get worse. Bringing a grandchild into the world that she’d never even know about; she’d never so much as hold the baby in her arms, lest of all do anything that came with her role as a new grandmother. Dela felt her stomach twisting into knots again, and not with more vomit.   
  
She glanced down at the pregnancy test in her hand to try and distract herself somewhat from the sudden-onset negativity; double taking, her eyes growing wide. Two lines.

She half-sprinted through to their room as though her ass was alight, eyes welling over. Jinkx had monopolised the duvet covers, curled into a ball in the middle of the bed - dead to the world asleep with her mouth hanging ajar and black sleep shade obscuring her eyes. Her hair hung over her face in a tangled mess. Dela climbed back into bed, the test nestled in her pyjama pocket - draping one arm around Jinkx’s sleeping form, pushing the mask away from her face. The ginger blinked, hazy and clearly unamused at having been so rudely awoken.

“What do you want?” She murmured, her voice thickened with exhaustion and gritty. Dela buried her face in her partner’s shoulder, inches from tears, Jinkx melting into her after a moment of trying to protest.

“I, uh…I’ve got something to show you.”   
“What?”   
In response, Dela removed the test from her pocket, handing it to Jinkx. It took her a moment - her jaw going slack and a smile spreading wide across her face as the realisation eventually came.  
“Dela-”  
“I know, Jinkxy.” She gave an elated smile at this, still fighting back tears - both those that had sprung up as she had sat overthinking in the bathroom, and the fresh ones at the realisation of what exactly was going on.

“I never thought I’d be so fucking happy about you waking me up to hand me a stick covered in your pee.” Jinkx laughed, grabbing Dela around the waist and turning over so that the brunette lay on top of her; covering her face with tiny kisses as she went, making her squeal. “Shit, babe - we’re gonna be moms.” The word struck a nerve - as Dela blinked, the tears slipped her eyes and she gave a tight-lipped grimace, raising a hand to wipe her eyes. Jinkx tenderly took hold of her wrist, a look of concern clouding over the delight on her face.   
“Hey - **what’s the matter, sweetie?** ”

Dela shook her head a little, a genuine smile returning. She was okay - regardless of what was to come, and regardless of what had already passed, there she was. In bed with her beloved, laughing and ecstatic - on a cloud so high neither had been there before, untouchable to the pain of the world. She was happy.

“Nothing.”


End file.
